AN EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER ONE 'TALKING ABOUT A LONELY JOURNEY'.
A BOOK WRITTEN BY MARC NIEUWENHUYS
For those who have never had depression it's a very difficult illness to understand. I hope throughout this book I can explain some of the emotions, feelings, actions and struggles a person with depression deals with every day. I'll start with today. A great day you would expect. Newly motivated to drag myself out of this hole, the excitement of a life changing expedition, the decision that I'm not going to be depressed anymore, I'm going to write a book, the world is my oyster. But no. He's back, with a vengeance. Complete disregard for my new state of being. And he is stronger than me. Much stronger. He is the Superman of depression. You will be depressed today, deeply. It's difficult to describe, that emotion, that mental state. One part of the brain saying, life is good, you are ok, you got this, you can be happy, it's ok to be happy. The other part of the brain simply saying no.
You are not ok and you need to be sad.
And then you are sad, terribly sad.
The black hole opens up and swallows you whole.
It's comforting, black, sadness pillows, slowly cushioning you down to the bottom.
That familiar bottom.
It's safe there.
And that's where I stay. All day.
He let me out when I got home.
I had a shower and decided to start writing this book.
Maybe he's not stronger after all.
Maybe the river will be my kryptonite.